Out of Propane... Again!

I made a dumb, dumb, dumb mistake the other night… I left the gas tank valve on the grill open after I was done cooking. Not only could we have had a big explosion and burned our house down (thank goodness neither of us smoke) but when I went to cook our steaks last night… there was no fuel. Dumb, dumb, dumb!! I know a few of you can probably relate to that feeling… “Darn it (or other expletives)! I’m ready to grill and I don’t have any propane!!!!” The only thing worse than not being able to start the grill due to no propane is running out right in the middle of cooking your main course. We bought two propane tanks in an effort to avoid this unfortunate occurrence but due to pure laziness, they both usually end up empty at the same time. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Anyhow… I had the whole meal ready, except the steaks (bacon wrapped filets… yum) and Ryan became the savior of dinner by running out to get the refill tank as soon as he got home from work. In no time we were back in business… or so we thought.

The nozzle on the new tank was broken so no gas would come out. Argh… really??? I was quite perturbed… mostly with myself truth be told. It was my fault this whole thing had come about but in the moment all I could feel was agitation and it didn’t really matter what the root was. I grabbed the tank, slammed the door and went to the store myself to re-exchange the exchange.

As I parked at the Wal-mart market, God gave me a little reminder in my head… “You’re wearing one of my shirts child… be gracious, set a good example.” I heard Him clearly and took a peek at myself… I was wearing my statement of faith shirt. Check… set a good example… got it.

The market was BUSY! I went to the first cashier I saw and explained that I just need to exchange the tank really quickly. She told me I needed to go wait in line at the customer service desk. Okay, fine… until I saw how long the line was! Setting a good example left me in that moment. I went and took my place in line completely and utterly annoyed. Apparently everyone on the planet needed to cash a check, get a money order or buy cigarettes (people still buy them at $7 a pack – again, I’m was very glad neither of us smoke). I took several deep breaths and I heard God’s voice again in my head, “You’ve got the shirt on… don’t be a moron!” Okay, maybe He didn’t say moron, but He could have and I would have totally deserved it. I decided to “pretend” I was just fine for the sake of the shirt. Typing that makes me laugh a little.

I closed my eyes and tried to just silence myself. As I stood there trying to gather my inner thoughts and purify them slightly, my attention was drawn to the woman behind me who was talking on her cell phone. I didn’t turn and look at her, I just listened. The exact words out of her mouth were, “I am overwhelmed! I can’t handle this. I don’t know what I am going to do. I am so alone.” From listening, I gathered that she was going through a nasty divorce. Her husband was being very jealous, greedy and was slandering her to her friends, family and co-workers. Of course, the truth in situations can never be found by hearing just one side… but this was obviously her perception and it was obviously taking a huge toll on her. Near tears she repeated, “I am completely overwhelmed.” I decided to use my time in line to pray for her. Specifically, I asked for God to comfort her and to try and give her some moments of peace. I asked Him to hold her under his wing of protection. As I prayed, the image of God’s peace felt as though it were flowing out of me and into her… sort of like something you’d see in a sci-fi movie. It was like an invisible mist that transferred from my body over into hers… and it went on and on for as long as I prayed for her. I didn’t speak to her, although maybe I should have. It was almost my turn in line… and the girl in front of me grabbed my attention. She was buying a money order for $32.00 to pay her cable bill. She was also buying some milk, eggs and cheese with food stamps (it’s a credit card these days but the same idea none-the-less.) I haven’t been too far from being in her shoes in my life… unable to pay bills, unable to buy food free and clear of assistance. I remembered my homeless days. And there I stood pretending not to be mad about running out of propane on my second tank (cause I’m lazy) for my grill (which I don’t even need cause I have a kitchen) to make bacon wrapped filet mignon (a special meal we have quite often) for my happy, healthy family (whom I slammed the door on when I left the house). Wow… perspective hit me like a ton of bricks!!!! How ungrateful of me! I said a quick prayer for this young lady too. And when it was my turn, a real smile came to my face as I kindly explained my need for an exchange.

After getting the exchange taken care off, I went to my car ready to head back home. For some reason I was filled with anxiety though. It was strange… as if out of nowhere. I sat for a moment and realized I had passed all of my peace off to the lady behind me, maybe that was why I felt so anxious. As I started my car my eyes noticed a license plate across the parking lot. It said, “JOS.1.9” Hmmm… a Bible verse perhaps??? I just so happened to have my Bible on the car seat so I grabbed it and looked up Joshua 1:9. Here is what it said:

“Have I not told you? Be strong and have strength of heart! Do not be afraid or lose faith. For the Lord your God is with you anywhere you go.”

Wowwy… I had to laugh… and had to shout to the Lord in gladness! He is so there for me!!! He is so there for us at all times in so many ways. I am amazed and comforted!!!

I went home and finished cooking. I have to say I was sort of beating myself up for not speaking to the lady behind me in line. I mean, what if a simple hug would have made all the difference in her world? Why didn’t I do that??? Unaware of my internal battle, my husband decided to share with me the verses he was meditating on this week.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-11

I felt God tell me that passing comfort to her through prayer was good enough. I realized God's comfort is kinda like my propane tank. I have a tendency to only turn it on when I need it, then I turn it off tight when the steaks are done. But... I think what He really wants me to do is just leave the valve wide open all the time so I can share it with others when I'm not needing it myself. And the super cool thing is, God's tank never runs out... it just keeps going and going.

Only thirty minutes later after this realization, I found myself complaining (or other expletives) about how the across-the-street neighbor keeps parking in front of our house instead of his own… oh boy… when will I ever learn? Sorry God… I’m trying! The phrase "The difficulty with Christianity is that it is so daily" never seemed more true... except it was a lot more moment to moment for me right then. Thankfully, God will never give up on me and His tank just keeps going and going!