The Love I Give Away

Love can be confusing. I know my original conception of love wasn’t very accurate. I confused lust with love very often. I also confused acceptance or a need for acceptance with love as well. In addition I thought anger meant hate and because of that I was afraid to ever have anyone mad at me. On the other side of that coin, I never felt the freedom to be angry at the people I was supposed to love. It was confusing.

I’ve seen the phrase, “God is love” on tons of bumper stickers. One of my favorite Christian songs says of God, “You’re the love You give to me, You’re the love I give away.” I love the thought that all real love comes from God. And if it’s real love and it’s from God, then it’s pure and selfless. But how much of the love I pass around this world is really truly selfless?

More than a year ago I met a young lady who captured my heart. It was a chance kind of meeting… she is a missionary and I was writing a story on mission work. I asked her if I could interview her and she fit me into her schedule even though she was preparing to leave for a 2 year mission abroad. That day we met, I was feeling… emotional. I was having some regret and heartache over some past decisions. When we met, I put my “I’m okay” mask on in an effort to do the interview and go on my way. But, she knew. My interview was quick and like a flash the tables turned and she asked me one very simple question. She sat listening to my answer with a servant’s heart and when I was done she spoke a prayer to me as I cried. That was the beginning of a friendship I hold very near and dear to my heart today.

She was home for a visit this month, and I got the joy of spending some good quality time with her. Today I had to say goodbye to her again as she headed off to finish her second year on her current mission, and it was difficult and joyous at the same time.

As I drove to the airport to say goodbye and send her off with a hug, I realized that I finally understood fully what the lyrics mean… “You’re the love You give to me, You’re the love I give away.” To say I love her is an understatement. I can’t even express the love I feel for her. And it’s not the kind of love that has any sort of reason behind it or selfishness. It “just is.” It’s obvious to me that God has intentionally placed her in my heart so I can assist Him in doting His true and pure love upon this woman He absolutely adores. I am willing, able and excited to help her in anyway I can… she calls me generous which makes me uncomfortable because I know the generosity she sees and feels from me is really the generosity of God… it isn’t me at all! I feel like a different person when I am around her, doing for her or communicating with her… like the sinful me has been replaced by the total graciousness of God in full. It’s strange… but it feels awesome! It’s a window into God’s own heart that produces a humbling high that words can’t possibly convey. I feel so blessed to be chosen by God to love her in this way. I cherish that and her… Yes God, You are the love You give to me and You are the love I give away.