The word hypocrite is one of those words we Christians throw around without much thought. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it’s kind of hypocritical of us to point at others with this word. Well, it is… I mean really!!! I know the reason I have devoted my life to Christ and Christianity is because I myself am a grand sinner. Sometimes, my devotion to Christ and helping others makes me see myself as a hypocrite. What right do I have to talk about anything having to do with Jesus, God, righteous living, church, or redemption when I myself fail at my attempts to fight sin every day?
I admit it, I have called other people hypocrites too… which is really wrong! When I shout, “Hypocrite!” what I’m really shouting is, “I’m a judgmental piece of crap that thinks I’m better than you!!!!” Even my four year old can read between those lines, even if he doesn’t truly understand it right then. He knows. I realize the only person I have any right to accuse of hypocrisy is myself. But before I commit to calling myself names, I’m drawn to understand this concept a little bit better.
What does this overused word “hypocrite” actually mean? According to Webster’s Pocket Dictionary it means “one who pretends to have virtue, feeling, etc, that he or she does not have.”
Hmmm… the word “pretend” strikes me. When it comes to the things I feel hypocritical about, I don’t think it is a matter of “pretending”, I think it is a matter of self control. I openly admit I have zero self control, so I must rely on God to give me God-guided-self-control. I want to set a good example in my words and deeds, be more like Jesus than the day before but it is hard. I know I’ll never fully succeed… but it’s the attempt that matters, right? Sure, I fail at this walking like Jesus thing every day. But I don’t feel as though my failure means I am pretending, for it truly is my heart's desire to make God happy. No part of it is an act.
I’ve been accused of being too transparent with my life. I’ve been asked, “Why do you tell people so much? Is it really necessary??” Some people think it’s egotistical or narcissistic of me, like I think others really care about what I’m doing. Some people think it’s because I want to brag about the stuff I think I do right… ha ha… that one is funny considering there isn’t much I think I do correctly (other than being transparent about my mistakes and failures, see the irony???). The truth is that I’m transparent with others about my failures because of this Bible verse: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” James 5:16
Right now I realize, transparency is what takes me out of hypocrisy. Transparency is what makes me real… and it shows the world I am not pretending to be something I’m not. I try, I fail, I tell the WHOLE story without pretending or leaving the part that makes me look like an idiot out. Every spiritual success I have had has been riddled with multiple spiritual failures. Ultimately, the glory for every one of my successes goes to God, because not one part of me is good without Him. Even my ability to be transparent is owed to Him, for without Him I’d be too full of controlling pride to be honest.
I’ve really been struggling with my control issues in the last months. When I first went through the 12 step program several years ago, I was in so much pain from the big, empty, God-shaped hole in my soul that I was willing to do whatever it took to feel better. My alcoholism gave me something very specific to work on. I had to stop drinking! It was a very defined task… a goal. I soon realized that the only way I could successfully stop drinking was to give control over to God. I couldn’t and didn't do it on my own.
I don’t drink anymore, and rarely have the inkling but recognize that it is a day to day thing that could be taken away in the snap of a finger if I decide to take control of that back from God. Even still, I have somehow found myself sort of back at square one… having to learn how to relinquish control of my life as a whole to God again. I’ve been frustrated and disconnected. I haven’t been able to focus or pause. In short, I guess I haven’t felt the serenity I once had and I know it’s because I’m trying to run my own universe again. Running the universe is an impossible task for me, so no wonder I’m frustrated! Turning control over to God is really hard this time because I don’t have a specific task to focus on… like quitting booze. The best way to define my task this time around is to say I need to stop trying to control my need for control... and how the heck do I even begin to do an oxy-moronic thing like that?
I think a part of what got me back here is a burden I put on myself when I decided to take God's lead and try to help others with my experiences. That burden is linked to my misguided interpretation of hypocrisy. I realized this morning that I felt like a total hypocrite. I talk to those around me about how important it is to let God have control of our lives but here I am not allowing Him control of my own. I was lead to my computer by the Spirit to write this so here I am making self discoveries through Him. I realize, I am not a hypocrite… I am just a human being who is struggling. Just because I make the choice to try and help others… doesn’t mean I have to be perfect. I think I’ve allowed my failures to cause shame… thus the feeling of hypocrisy. Yes, I believe and openly say to others, “The best way to live life is to let God be in control.” Yes, I admit I struggle at attaining it. I am not pretending… I openly admit I will always struggle at attaining it, I’m not Jesus. I am not God. Is it a coincidence that the “first step” is to admit that I am not God and I can not control my life or tendencies to do wrong???? I think not.
In this very moment, I have a great understanding of “Happy are those who are poor in spirit.”
I am certainly spiritually poor right now… but I am happy! I feel freedom from the constraints and shame that the feeling of hypocrisy has brought to me. I feel like I’m on the right track to giving up my need to control my need for control. Oh how complicated… yet the answer is simple, give it to God.
I am also struck with the idea that God is giving me a great opportunity in this struggle… He is giving me an opportunity to experience a different type of relinquishing of control… the really hard kind; the kind that those who are not alcoholics or addicts have to face. I am thankful for this opportunity, even though it’s really uncomfortable and difficult. I have faith that this struggle will open up a whole new set of experiences I can use to share with a whole new set of people in need. God never gives us more than we can handle, and God never wastes a hurt or struggle.
I vow to never call anyone a hypocrite ever again, and that includes me.
Showing posts with label hypocrite. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hypocrite. Show all posts
Monday, April 20, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
His Feet Don't Fit in the Boat
My son got a ton of toys for his birthday this year… I mean a TON!!! One of the presents I got him was a little figurine set, similar to Little People, but it was a Christian version. It was the “Jesus Walks on Water” set. It had a boat, Peter and of course, Jesus.
I smiled when he opened it because he knew right away who it was… he said, “I got Jesus for my birthday!” with great expression and excitement. I felt so proud that I had taught my son who Jesus was. I asked him if he would like me to tell him the story that went with it. I was sure my little angel whom I had obviously taught so well about respecting Jesus our Lord and Savior, would quickly kneel before me with doe eyes and say, “Yes mommy, please tell me the story!” But that’s not what happened. He tossed Peter, the boat and even Jesus aside and said, “No. Can I open another present?” (humbling dagger-in-the-heart moment). He didn’t even ask who gave it to him.
Later, he was playing with the figurines, trying to get Jesus to fit inside the small boat, but his feet were too big. The only one that fit in the boat was Peter. Brett came to me troubled.
Brett said, “Mommy, why doesn’t Jesus fit in the boat?”
AH HA!!!! This was my chance! I said, “Peter is supposed to be in the boat. Why don’t we sit down and I’ll tell you the story, then you will understand.”
He looked up at me and said, “Nope. I don’t want you to tell me the story,” then quickly ran off, leaving Jesus on the kitchen counter.
Agh… another humbling dagger-in-the-heart moment for mommy.
A little while later he was playing with the figurines again, still trying to make Jesus fit in the very same boat but, of course, he didn’t fit. He got frustrated and called for me. In a whiny, frustrated tone he said, “Why doesn’t Jesus fit in the boat?”
More humbled about my superior Jesus teaching skills, I said, “Jesus isn’t supposed to be in the boat, if you let me tell you the story, I think it will make sense.”
He rejected me a third time with the same whining, frustrated tone, “No, I don’t want to know the story.”
I finished our conversation about it with this, “Okay Brett, when you’re ready to hear the story, let me know… and… stop whining please.”
While making Brett’s specially ordered birthday dinner, tacos and broccoli, it occurred to me that many of us Christians do the very same thing my son had done. We view our Christianity sort of like a toy. It is one of many gifts we have been given yet we don’t ever really think about who it was that gave it to us. We get it out every once in awhile (every week or two) to tinker with it then about an hour later when we’ve lost interest, we put it back in the toy closet. In addition, it looks kind of cool on the outside and we sort of have an idea what it’s all about, but when it gets down to the nitty-gritty of finding out the real story, we slough it off thinking that part is bound to be boring and too much work. We leave it on the shelf satisfied with just knowing what we think we know about it. “Jesus, yeah he was a cool dude with sandals. He had some disciples and he died on a cross. I get presents on his birthday… a bonus.”
Okay, so that may have been a little harsh but you get the picture (BTW, if you’re offended by what you just read, you might need to take a closer look at your own relationship with Jesus – in my experience when I get offended it’s because things hit too close to home).
Because of this attitude, I think we humans tend to try to live segmented lives. We have our holy, Christian life (the one we put on when we go to church for that hour a week or two, then pull it out of the closet for special church events). In that life we are kind and gentle. We don’t drink booze or smoke cigarettes. We carry our Bibles proudly, even if the only time we ever open it is when we flip it quickly to see which page it lands on hoping that will be the answer to our pressing problem. We don’t admit to the awesome rated R movie we saw the night before that was filled with nudity and violence. We don’t talk about how we got put on probation at our job because we cursed out a client (who happened to deserved it). We neglect the fear that our 16 year old daughter might be pregnant or using cocaine because if we don’t think about it, it won’t be true… and oh my, if someone knew… what kind of parent… what kind of Christian would they think I am?
We manage to keep our Christian lives and secular lives completely separate, even if we don’t realize it. At work, we would never tell the boss the reason we can’t come to the company party is that we have Bible Study that night. When the water-cooler talk gets ugly about how the married head of accounting and the IT manager are “getting it on”, we find it easier to throw in our own comments than to ask ourselves, “What would Jesus say?” in this situation. When our kid’s teacher tells us little Johnny was cheating on a test, we defend him and blame the school system for failing. After all, if the teacher had done her job, Johnny wouldn’t need to cheat. This blame game is done in an effort to not admit to ourselves that perhaps we haven’t been involved enough in Johnny’s life lately. When the guy in the red corvette (that we secretly covet) cuts us off in traffic, we quickly flip him the finger that says it all instead of saying a quick arrow prayer of grace and protection for him.
I passionately believe God really wants us to find a way to combine our two lives into one. Many of us may have grown up in a church that taught us we must be ashamed of our sins and problems. We must repent and keep them quiet for God is to be greatly feared! Others of us may have grown up watching Christians play out these two very different lives and called out “HYPOCRITE!” Determined never to be one of “those people,” they consciously choose the secular life because it’s fun and there is no need for guilt. There are so many levels in between that I can’t even fathom it… but that doesn’t change my passion for wanting to draw these two very different lives together and make them one.
While I do feel I am pretty good at living a blended Christian/secular life, I will also be the first one to admit that the type of life I have makes that rather easy. I work from home, we are financially sound, I have a very well-behaved child (and husband) and my connection with God has already been worked on a lot. If I were out in the corporate America working world, struggling to make ends meet, and having battles with my child/spouse or fighting just to survive, I’m not sure I’d do a very good job at it. But I do know what all of that is like. I was once poor, homeless, lonely, troubled, drunk, broke and even after I was married and had security, my life felt empty and desperate. I wasn’t living a God-centered life then though… coincidence???? Even though life is comfortable now, I do have my troubles. I face monsters such as fear, uncertainty and anger everyday. When I call on God, he reassures my soul. The King James Bible refers to the Holy Spirit as “the Comforter.” In my life, that is exactly what He is.
I have a lot of respect for those who are out there in the world, facing the super tough stuff of life like bastard bosses, sinister co-workers, unemployment, terrible debt and unfaithful spouses. I’m sure it can’t be easy to bond the Christian and the “regular” life together as one. But hear this, every Christian…. every single one of us… is just a regular person. Having troubles is more of a reason to embrace Christianity. The reason we are Christian is because our lives are such a mess! Not one of us is perfect, without problems or issues. It’s okay for God’s children to watch R rated movies or to have a late night at the bar complete with a hangover. It’s okay for God’s children to have trouble at work or with their teenage daughter. Guess what… it’s expected!!! God deeply desires for us to find comfort in His loving arms. In addition, as God’s children we should be able to find support, relief and answers to our problems in our church community. If we don’t find that true in our lives, if we feel we need to hide our realness from our Christian life… then maybe it’s time to change the way we think about church or… perhaps it’s time to find a church that better fits our needs.
I urge you to make a step, even if it is a small one, in trying to bond your secular world with your Christian world. Take your Jesus figurine out of the toy bin and ask someone to tell you the story…it’s okay if you’re a Christian and you don’t know it. In fact I dare say that the majority of people who call themselves Christian do not know the full story but they are afraid to admit it. Admitting that might make them look like weak Christians… while in reality it’s the fear and the lack of action that may turn their Christianity southbound. If that’s you, take a leap of faith and ask for the story. I guarantee, someone like me is dying to share it with you! And trust me, I need the practice. One of these days, my son is bound to ask me the real reason Jesus’ feet don’t fit in the boat!
I smiled when he opened it because he knew right away who it was… he said, “I got Jesus for my birthday!” with great expression and excitement. I felt so proud that I had taught my son who Jesus was. I asked him if he would like me to tell him the story that went with it. I was sure my little angel whom I had obviously taught so well about respecting Jesus our Lord and Savior, would quickly kneel before me with doe eyes and say, “Yes mommy, please tell me the story!” But that’s not what happened. He tossed Peter, the boat and even Jesus aside and said, “No. Can I open another present?” (humbling dagger-in-the-heart moment). He didn’t even ask who gave it to him.
Later, he was playing with the figurines, trying to get Jesus to fit inside the small boat, but his feet were too big. The only one that fit in the boat was Peter. Brett came to me troubled.
Brett said, “Mommy, why doesn’t Jesus fit in the boat?”
AH HA!!!! This was my chance! I said, “Peter is supposed to be in the boat. Why don’t we sit down and I’ll tell you the story, then you will understand.”
He looked up at me and said, “Nope. I don’t want you to tell me the story,” then quickly ran off, leaving Jesus on the kitchen counter.
Agh… another humbling dagger-in-the-heart moment for mommy.
A little while later he was playing with the figurines again, still trying to make Jesus fit in the very same boat but, of course, he didn’t fit. He got frustrated and called for me. In a whiny, frustrated tone he said, “Why doesn’t Jesus fit in the boat?”
More humbled about my superior Jesus teaching skills, I said, “Jesus isn’t supposed to be in the boat, if you let me tell you the story, I think it will make sense.”
He rejected me a third time with the same whining, frustrated tone, “No, I don’t want to know the story.”
I finished our conversation about it with this, “Okay Brett, when you’re ready to hear the story, let me know… and… stop whining please.”
While making Brett’s specially ordered birthday dinner, tacos and broccoli, it occurred to me that many of us Christians do the very same thing my son had done. We view our Christianity sort of like a toy. It is one of many gifts we have been given yet we don’t ever really think about who it was that gave it to us. We get it out every once in awhile (every week or two) to tinker with it then about an hour later when we’ve lost interest, we put it back in the toy closet. In addition, it looks kind of cool on the outside and we sort of have an idea what it’s all about, but when it gets down to the nitty-gritty of finding out the real story, we slough it off thinking that part is bound to be boring and too much work. We leave it on the shelf satisfied with just knowing what we think we know about it. “Jesus, yeah he was a cool dude with sandals. He had some disciples and he died on a cross. I get presents on his birthday… a bonus.”
Okay, so that may have been a little harsh but you get the picture (BTW, if you’re offended by what you just read, you might need to take a closer look at your own relationship with Jesus – in my experience when I get offended it’s because things hit too close to home).
Because of this attitude, I think we humans tend to try to live segmented lives. We have our holy, Christian life (the one we put on when we go to church for that hour a week or two, then pull it out of the closet for special church events). In that life we are kind and gentle. We don’t drink booze or smoke cigarettes. We carry our Bibles proudly, even if the only time we ever open it is when we flip it quickly to see which page it lands on hoping that will be the answer to our pressing problem. We don’t admit to the awesome rated R movie we saw the night before that was filled with nudity and violence. We don’t talk about how we got put on probation at our job because we cursed out a client (who happened to deserved it). We neglect the fear that our 16 year old daughter might be pregnant or using cocaine because if we don’t think about it, it won’t be true… and oh my, if someone knew… what kind of parent… what kind of Christian would they think I am?
We manage to keep our Christian lives and secular lives completely separate, even if we don’t realize it. At work, we would never tell the boss the reason we can’t come to the company party is that we have Bible Study that night. When the water-cooler talk gets ugly about how the married head of accounting and the IT manager are “getting it on”, we find it easier to throw in our own comments than to ask ourselves, “What would Jesus say?” in this situation. When our kid’s teacher tells us little Johnny was cheating on a test, we defend him and blame the school system for failing. After all, if the teacher had done her job, Johnny wouldn’t need to cheat. This blame game is done in an effort to not admit to ourselves that perhaps we haven’t been involved enough in Johnny’s life lately. When the guy in the red corvette (that we secretly covet) cuts us off in traffic, we quickly flip him the finger that says it all instead of saying a quick arrow prayer of grace and protection for him.
I passionately believe God really wants us to find a way to combine our two lives into one. Many of us may have grown up in a church that taught us we must be ashamed of our sins and problems. We must repent and keep them quiet for God is to be greatly feared! Others of us may have grown up watching Christians play out these two very different lives and called out “HYPOCRITE!” Determined never to be one of “those people,” they consciously choose the secular life because it’s fun and there is no need for guilt. There are so many levels in between that I can’t even fathom it… but that doesn’t change my passion for wanting to draw these two very different lives together and make them one.
While I do feel I am pretty good at living a blended Christian/secular life, I will also be the first one to admit that the type of life I have makes that rather easy. I work from home, we are financially sound, I have a very well-behaved child (and husband) and my connection with God has already been worked on a lot. If I were out in the corporate America working world, struggling to make ends meet, and having battles with my child/spouse or fighting just to survive, I’m not sure I’d do a very good job at it. But I do know what all of that is like. I was once poor, homeless, lonely, troubled, drunk, broke and even after I was married and had security, my life felt empty and desperate. I wasn’t living a God-centered life then though… coincidence???? Even though life is comfortable now, I do have my troubles. I face monsters such as fear, uncertainty and anger everyday. When I call on God, he reassures my soul. The King James Bible refers to the Holy Spirit as “the Comforter.” In my life, that is exactly what He is.
I have a lot of respect for those who are out there in the world, facing the super tough stuff of life like bastard bosses, sinister co-workers, unemployment, terrible debt and unfaithful spouses. I’m sure it can’t be easy to bond the Christian and the “regular” life together as one. But hear this, every Christian…. every single one of us… is just a regular person. Having troubles is more of a reason to embrace Christianity. The reason we are Christian is because our lives are such a mess! Not one of us is perfect, without problems or issues. It’s okay for God’s children to watch R rated movies or to have a late night at the bar complete with a hangover. It’s okay for God’s children to have trouble at work or with their teenage daughter. Guess what… it’s expected!!! God deeply desires for us to find comfort in His loving arms. In addition, as God’s children we should be able to find support, relief and answers to our problems in our church community. If we don’t find that true in our lives, if we feel we need to hide our realness from our Christian life… then maybe it’s time to change the way we think about church or… perhaps it’s time to find a church that better fits our needs.
I urge you to make a step, even if it is a small one, in trying to bond your secular world with your Christian world. Take your Jesus figurine out of the toy bin and ask someone to tell you the story…it’s okay if you’re a Christian and you don’t know it. In fact I dare say that the majority of people who call themselves Christian do not know the full story but they are afraid to admit it. Admitting that might make them look like weak Christians… while in reality it’s the fear and the lack of action that may turn their Christianity southbound. If that’s you, take a leap of faith and ask for the story. I guarantee, someone like me is dying to share it with you! And trust me, I need the practice. One of these days, my son is bound to ask me the real reason Jesus’ feet don’t fit in the boat!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)