Friday, January 22, 2016

Wag

I was on my way to pick up my daughter from school just a little bit ago. I was driving a little above the speed limit - 32 in a 30. I came up on a car driving 20. We were both in the left lane, and I needed to make a left turn several miles down the road. I decided to pass the car on his right instead of staying at his pace - I had plenty of time so I wasn't worried. When I got up next to him, he looked over at me and pointed then sped up. I went a little faster to try and get ahead to slide over in front of him but he sped up too making it impossible. My turn was coming so I decided to slow down and get back in behind him. The minute I was behind him, he slowed to 20 again. Ugh. We arrived at the traffic light where I needed to turn left, he was the only car in front of me and as soon as we were both stopped, he looked in his rear view mirror making eye contact with me and began to wag his finger. I looked away, in a attempt to ignore. When I faced forward again, his finger began another wag. He did this 4 times until finally the light turned green and he went on his merry way. I made my left turn and all was well in the world, right? I wish things like this didn't get under my skin. It is times like this I truly wonder what has happened to basic human decency. It is times like this I understand why some people do very bad things in the heat of the moment.

I am proud of myself for not doing what I wanted to do... give him the finger. I am proud of myself for not yelling obscenities at him or jumping out of my car to go punch him in the face. He doesn't know me... I was obeying the law but apparently not to his approval. He took it upon himself to stop me from doing something HE didn't want me to do even though it was fully within my rights. My rights... as a driver, as a person, and as an American citizen. HE had to stop me, and he did. But he took it a step further and found it necessary to scold me... scold me for something that wasn't wrong. Scold me - a 43 year old woman he knows nothing about. I could have been in labor and on my way to the hospital, I could have had a child screaming in the back seat... I could have been suffering with a bout of diarrhea... who knows. I also could have been a completely insane maniac with a gun in my glove box.

In the end, I feel angry, still. But I also feel sad for him. Whatever he has going on in his life, he obviously needs to gain a sense of control over someone to feel good about himself. I'm glad I didn't react the way I wanted to, I'm glad I paused and was able to respond with nothing instead. But what I wish more than anything, is that experiences like this wouldn't affect me the way they do. This will no doubt stick to me for a majority of the day - making my anxiety and bipolar tendencies rise to an uncomfortable level - maybe even to the point of needing a sedative. I wish I could just let it roll off my back, but I was not built that way. I'm glad I have tools to keep me from behaving poorly though. Super thankful for that.

I wonder if he would have done it if he had known what it would do to me emotionally and physically today? Maybe... I hope the little glint of happy he got from it was worth it.

No comments:

Post a Comment