Another rainy day. I have to admit, I do love the rain. For some reason I find it comforting. Nothing is better than curling up on the couch with a fuzzy, warm blanket on a quiet, rainy day with only a book to read or a few movies to watch. That just sounds like heaven. Of course, once you have children that heaven changes slightly. Suddenly, the fuzzy, warm blanket is sticky with last nights orange juice, the couch has been overrun with cracker crumbs, the quietness that afforded you a listen to the rain drops on the roof has been replaced with , “Mommy, will you play with me… Mommy, can I have a snack… Mommy, I need to poop,” and your new forced favorite movie has an annoying theme song you can’t get out of your head. Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot of joy in that too, but sometimes it sure would be nice to go back to simpler days.
I’m emotional today although I’m not 100% sure why. Perhaps it’s because I’m saying farewell to some things God has told me to release. Perhaps it’s because I’m embarking on some new, scary journeys God has led me to embrace. Both are very uncomfortable for me. And I don’t deal with change very well. If you don’t believe me all you have to do is ask my husband. He will tell you… a change in plans, however slight can really throw me for a loop. I’m stepping out in faith right now. I’m doing my best to follow Him with obedience. I don’t really “like” it, but He is changing my heart slowly but surely with every step I take toward Him.
I stopped at the super-store to get some milk just a little while ago. As I made my way through the store I walked passed the pajama department. My eyes fell upon a rack I just had to go take a closer look at: adult size footy pajamas. Oh man, I was excited!!! I looked through them and thought about how ridiculous I would look in a pair of these bad-boys… but I also thought about how comfortable they would be. I remembered that a friend of mine had bought a pair last year, and a matching pair for her daughter. I looked at the price… $24.99. I thought it was a bit much for such a silly thing I didn’t really need. Instead of buying them, I picked up my cell phone and called my friend to tell her I had thought of her and her footy pajamas. It made her laugh. Oh how it was good to hear her laugh. I think she was having a rough morning… and we just spoke briefly but profoundly… something about not knowing the answers to the questions we don’t yet know. And… how we put too much pressure on ourselves to know answers to questions we don’t yet know. We both completely understood in that moment, although I’m not sure what the heck we were actually talking about now. We said goodbye and promised to talk again soon.
As I grabbed my milk and headed to the checkout counter I realized the reason I had considered getting the footy pajamas was really simple. I was longing to feel like a child again. I was longing to feel warm, cozy, and curled up safely on my couch. I was longing for the weight of adulthood, responsibility and decisions to be lifted from my shoulders even if only for awhile. I stopped in my tracks and thought about getting those footy pajamas again. $24.99 wasn’t such a bad deal if I could re-claim my comfy-cozy infancy for a moment or two, right?
Then I heard a whisper in my head and realized, I didn’t need to buy a pair of footy pajamas to feel like a cozy, comfy, protected child. All I had to do is ask God if I could nestle in with Him for a little while. I felt Him wrap His loving arms around me and there I stood, the child I longed to be. I felt warm and comforted. The weight of not knowing the answers to questions I didn't yet know lifted in an instant. To further my comfort, God told me I will never be a grown up in His eyes. And He is the type of Father that will always make time for me no matter when or where, no matter what He is doing. Always. Period.
Right now, the house is very quiet… I can actually hear the ticking of the clock in the hallway. It’s nice. I need to go pick my son up from pre-school in 5 minutes. After that, the quietness will be gone but giggles and endless questions will fill the void. As mommy, it is my job to make sure my son feels comfy, cozy and protected. In addition, it is my hope that when he is all grown up, he will recall his mommy teaching him that God can bring him back to his “footy pajama” days... anytime... every time he needs a break.