Sunday, February 09, 2014

So Frustrated

It's been a crappy last few days!

I have poured my heart and soul into writing my book "As Is."  I love the story, I love my style and I love how God trusted me with this task.  He gave it to me... I typed.

I needed someone to do a professional editing on it for me to clean up mistakes, clear up some redundancy and just give it a good proofread.  Instead what I got was advice from a stranger that the only thing I needed to change was... everything.  The first page of my manuscript was returned to me COMPLETELY RE-WRITTEN.  Not one sentence remained in tact.  It didn't sound like me at all, and the story had a COMPLETELY different feel to it.  Soft and mushy instead of raw like I like it! When I kindly objected to the total revision of my work, I was met with a response that made me feel as though if I keep it the way it is, it will suck and no one will be able to read it.

I know my writing is far from perfect.  I know my style is unique... and I gotta tell you - I like it that way.  I am not a perfect person and I am very unique so why shouldn't my writing reflect that?  Why should I have to conform to some standard that isn't what God fed me in the writing process?

I want this to be a successful venture... not for myself, but for the message God has because it is a powerful one!!!  I am amazed He is using me to get it out there so I want to do it right and do it to the best of my abilities.  I want to get out of my own way to make sure His purpose is fulfilled.  If God knew I was going to need to change everything because of my skill level then, why did He choose me?  No, He chose me for a reason.

Even still, I have been struggling the last 24 hours with wondering if I need to humble myself to the advice of another .... or.... if I should just let my light shine for God the way it is.  If I am going to be honest, one of the reasons this is bothering me so much is this is the second person to give me very similar advice.  I feel attacked now, I hear a nasty little voice in my head saying, "You stink... you can't do this... you will fail...give up!"  That is satan, no doubt.  But what if there is a shred of truth to it... isn't that how he works???  I find myself back at.... do I need to humble myself and change everything for the sake of God's message... or... do I let my light shine brightly for Him and plow forward with confidence knowing He is going to make what He wants out of it regardless of me?

Interestingly enough, today's sermon was about salt and light.  The title was " Be Who You Already Are."  My pastor actually said these words... "If you are a writer... then wouldn't it be great if you could fill Hollywood with your works for Jesus instead of just letting what's out there grow?"  POW!!!

I'm searching for a different editor now, one who will do what I asked... clean up mistakes and redundancy but allow me to be who I am.  Not sure that exists.  Not sure I like editors very much right now but I'm guessing there isn't a writer out there who hasn't felt the way I feel right this minute.  Frustrated, less than, attacked, horrible, useless.  That's satan again, no doubt.

Luckily, I don't have to figure it out myself.  I've got God for that.  Just hope my ears are open enough for me to hear His answer when He tells me what He wants.

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