Sleeping Tiger

I have a very active dream life, in fact my first book was based on a dream I had. Most times I don't think my dreams mean very much, but occasionally I have one where I know God is speaking to me. It's obvious to me in several ways. First, the memory of the dream is uncanny and second the symbols within the dream are unmistakable, as if the Spirit is whispering in my ear... “here's what this meant... you better listen!” I had one of those dreams the other night and while I think I know what it means in my own life, I feel like I am supposed to share it. I believe it is supposed to mean something to one of you as well. I don't know who you are or what it means to you but I believe whoever you are, God will point you to this page and you will get the message. So, here it is... the dream...

My husband and I were looking to buy a new house, not because we needed a house, but because we wanted something bigger and better at a good deal. There was this one house we thought would be perfect so we asked our real estate agent to take us to see it. Before arriving, our agent warned us not to get too interested in the house because there were some legal issues surrounding the “owners” of the house; yes the house was for sale but there was some question as to who actually owned the house. Until that got figured out, nothing could happen. Our agent confided in us that he didn't believe the house would be able to be sold. Right before we went inside, we were given one more piece of information: we were told to ignore the tigers that lived there. HUH? Tigers??? Yes, there were two REAL full-size tigers that roamed freely in the house. Our agent assured us if we ignored them, they wouldn't bother us so it was safe to go in. Okay.... in we went.

To summarize: we want a bigger, better house but don't need it, the house we are looking at doesn't appear to even be available and we enter the house even though we have full knowledge there are two tigers inside. Hmmmm... we aren't sounding too smart, are we?

So we go in. Immediately I see one of the tigers in the living room. It was curled up sleeping soundly on the floor. It looked cute... big, but cute. We looked around, loved what we saw (aside from the tiger) and moved on to see the rest of the house. My husband and I finished looking around without ever seeing the other tiger. We left without incident. Despite the tigers, we really liked the house. We decide we want it knowing that it probably isn't available. Perhaps this is one of the reasons we really want it. How human of us!

Next thing I knew we are back in the car with the agent to go see the house again. This time we have brought some friends with us to see what they think of it. We were so excited, telling our friends all about this perfect house we just have to have. We waited until we got to the front door to tell them about the tigers, and we told them as though it were no big deal. Our friends looked at us like we were completely insane and refused to enter the “den of pending death.” Finally, someone with some intelligence! It took some convincing, but we finally talked them into going in with us. Again, there was a tiger sleeping in the living room. Our friends were totally freaked out but we tip toed around the big animal and moved on to see the rest of the house, still no sign of the other tiger.

We’re almost ready to leave but one of my friends was missing so we got a little worried. We found her in the living room staring at the sleeping tiger. Her fear of the animal had been replaced by intrigue. We warned her of the danger as she got closer and closer to the tiger but she didn't listen. Her fear didn't seem to exist anymore... her fear had become false confidence that nothing could happen to her. She reached her hand out slowly to touch the sleeping animal as we watched in petrified horror. In slow motion I saw the tips of her fingers stroke the fur for this first time. As if shocked herself, she smiled as she continued to stroke the tiger’s soft hair. She knelt and continued. One by one, each of us began to relax as her affection of the animal seemed to be accepted without problem. Before long she was scratching the large cat behind the ear, as the resting animal purred loudly appearing to enjoy the attention.

It was time to leave, so we began to head out the door. My friend was happy to have had a chance to be so close to such an amazing creature. It was a once in a lifetime experience she was pleased to have had. She was smiling and proud she conquered her fear. She felt invincible as she rose to her feet and took a final look at the motionless, giant, sleeping cat.

With a sigh of relief that the petting was over, I waited for my friend to walk out the front door. She turned her back away from the tiger with a giant smile on her face and began to leave. Just when all seemed perfect, the tiger awoke to see my friend walking away. In the blink of an eye the tiger stood, snapping out his massive paw, and grabbed my friend. His claws tore into the flesh of her back. Her face changed from joy to shock and then to torturous pain. I stood witnessing the animal dragging her back into his full grip. I watched helplessly knowing he would devour her without guilt, for that was his nature.

My sleeping tiger dream faded to black and was thankfully over.

This dream means many things to me personally... I have played all of these roles within this dream many times in my lifetime: the consumer driven by want rather than need that flippantly draws others close to danger, the homeowner who is trying to sell something they do not own, the middleman agent who speaks the truth yet does nothing for the sake of prevention, the once cautious yet curious friend who is drawn to danger and ultimately consumed as a result, and the ultimate predators - the tigers (the one in view AND the one in hiding). I'm thankful the Spirit cares for me enough to take the time to make me aware of the role I am playing right now. I don't like it, but it is the truth. I know the only way I can do better is to see the truth. In short, we can pretend it is only a dream but I believe awareness of the role we play in every situation is the only way to keep from being devoured by the tiger. And just so you know, I also believe the ultimate way to be devoured by the tiger is to make the choice to be the tiger.

Dirtbag

I’m a dirtbag. Yes, it’s true. Thankfully, Jesus offered himself up so that my dirtbag status could be revoked. Unfortunately, I keep working really hard to re-attain the official title of “DIRTBAG.”

I’ve always believed that Jesus died on the cross to save us from our sins but I don’t suppose I ever really understood what that meant. I just knew it was true. I realized this week that if you asked me “How exactly did Jesus’ dying on the cross actually save us from our sins?” I'd really have to think about it. Ultimately I'd probably have to answer that question with a very decisive, discerning “Because my Father said so!”

Guess what? I recently learned the answer. What’s funny is I didn't even realize I didn't know the answer until I learned what it was. Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with just believing something without knowing the details, as long as we are Spirit-guided. In fact, for me, Bible study requires and incredible amount of blind faith since I recognize I am simply unable to comprehend the meaning of most scripture with my feeble human brain, and that is okay!

I was so excited when this particular blind faith “gap” was filled in with perfect understanding. So excited I just had to share it!!!!

Back in Jesus' time, crucifixion was only one of many ways in which criminals were executed. Each crime had its own type of punishment. For example, in Jewish law if a person committed blasphemy against God, they were to be stoned. The actual offense Jesus was “found guilty” of was blasphemy. According to the Jewish rules of execution, Jesus should have been stoned to death. So what happened? Well, the Romans decided to take it up a notch for Jesus, so they up’d the charges to make a point.

Crucifixion was seen as the most humiliating way for a criminal to die. It was an extremely public, torturous, drawn out process but that wasn't why it was considered the worst way to go. It was the worst way to go because of what it meant... if you were crucified it meant that you were cursed by God. Did you just read that? Cursed by God! Your sins were unforgivable and you had no hope for salvation. God had thrown you away like trash, you were an embarrassment to His kingdom and He had no use for you. You were burnt toast, and not even the kind you can scrape with a knife and still eat... you were the kind that stunk up the whole house and went straight to the Glad bag under the sink.

Wow... the King of Kings, the Son of Man, the Great I Am, the Way, the Truth, the Light, Jesus Christ – Son of the Father was sentenced to death, physical and spiritual... cursed by God, no hope for salvation, toast in the trash can when in reality, He was perfection.

I look at myself in the mirror after reviewing the 10 commandments and I say “oh crap!” Jesus told us the two most important commandments are “Love the Lord your God with all your heart” and “Love they neighbor as thyself” (Matt 22:36-40). The night before his crucifixion, Jesus made a slight change to that second one... he instructed us to love each other the way He loves us... with perfect love. (John 13: 34) I admit it, I am a failure at this (and so many other things). I require much forgiveness every single day. If there is anyone who deserves to be cursed by God... it is me... tacked up on a cross for all the world to see and spit on.

I am left in awe when the puzzle pieces come together and I see the strangely beautiful picture that shows me I WILL NEVER BE CURSED BY GOD…even though I deserve it more than I can ever fathom. This is all because Jesus took that curse on my behalf. It is only because of His perfect love and obedience that I have the chance to start over at anytime, asking God for a clean heart and a renewed Spirit.

It is so disappointing to me when I think about how selfish I am. I am faced with choices to do what I want to do or do what I know is right by God. I have gotten better at making these decisions but boy do I still fight it and still screw up. Even as I type this I am thinking about something that I really want – justifying why it would be okay for me to continue wanting it when I know the truth is... God is shaking His head and hoping I make the right decision. I have to be honest and say one of the thoughts that passed through my mind was that I could go ahead and do what I wanted because I knew God would forgive me. Wow, if that isn’t “dirtbagging”... I can't believe I even thought that (well, I can believe it because I’m wearing my “dirtbag” badge right now.)

Right now, I feel so human…so weak. The prayer I pray is this... “God, give me the strength to do what is right. Give me the strength to trade my dreams for Yours. Amen”

Again I am in awe that Jesus took that curse for me; a thankless, selfish dirtbag who is sitting here hemming and hawing over something so ridiculous that it amazes me I'd even put my salvation on the line for a second over it. Thank you Jesus for having the strength, conviction, and perfect selfless love to trade Your dreams for God's… without pause. It is because of You, I am loved and forgiven, regardless of the fact that I am a dirtbag.